At a time when work and social life overlap, men must transform their attitudes in the workplace and at home if they are to be better fathers and husbands. That was the message sociologist Michael Kimmel gave in a June 26 lecture titled "Are Fathers Men?" in David L. Call Alumni Auditorium.
Kimmel, a professor at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, was the first speaker in a series of five lectures focusing on changing expectations and perceptions of fathers. The lectures will be held every Wednesday night through July 31 as part of Cornell's Summer Session.
While many realize that the era of the tough, "John Wayne" persona has passed, Kimmel said, "we still carry around with us, like old baggage, the definition of what it means to be a man." Under that definition, Kimmel said the first rule is to avoid anything that remotely hints of the feminine. The second tenet is to be a "big wheel," which is achieved through wealth, power and status; third, never show emotion; and fourth, take risks and "raise hell."
He then contrasted these four outdated rules for the "real man" with four areas in which women's lives have changed over the past 30 years.
The first change for women has been in the "visibility of gender," which is one of the basic building blocks of social interaction, along with race and ethnicity, he said. Women are now aware that their gender has placed them at a disadvantage when it comes to their ability to interact as equals with men.
The second area of change has been women's presence in the workplace. When Kimmel asked female students in the audience to raise their hands if they expected to enter the work force after graduation, all of them did. Then he asked students to raise their hands if their mothers, and their grandmothers, had worked outside the home for more than eight consecutive years. The number of raised hands dropped sharply with each successive question. But despite women's increased presence in today's work force, many still face harassment and discrimination on the job, which is a problem that then carries into the home, Kimmel said.
The next area of change has been women's realization that they can balance work and family -- but only if their husbands do their part, Kimmel said. For this to happen, he argued, society must transform what it means to be a man; men must learn to be sensitive and nurturing in both the public and private spheres.
The final area of change for women has been in their sexuality, Kimmel said. Women now know that they are as entitled to their sexuality as men, he said, but they must first feel secure that men will listen if they say "no." Thus, while men may define their manliness through risk-taking and adventure, they must realize that when it comes to intimacy, women cannot be made to feel at risk, he said.
To be better fathers, Kimmel concluded, men holistically must change their actions: they must redefine the antiquated tenets of manhood to better match the areas in which women's lives have changed.