'Lonely hearts' seek men with means, behavior researcher finds

By Roger Segelken

Cornell biologist Kevin J. McGraw knew what female birds and other animals in crowded, resource-scarce environments look for in their mates -- males with potential to care materially for females and their offspring.

Kevin McGraw, a graduate student in the Department of Neurobiology and Behavior, uses the Olin Library reading room for his research into "lonely hearts" ads. Nicola Kountoupes/University Photography

But what about the human animal? What do women really want, McGraw wondered, as he read thousands of "lonely hearts" personal ads in newspapers from 23 American cities. After two months of research, the graduate student in Cornell's Department of Neurobiology and Behavior concluded, "In densely populated and resource-demanding environments, birds and women may not be all that different."

Where resources are at a premium -- expensive, big cities from San Francisco to Boston -- so are the men who can provide them, said McGraw. In such densely populated places, personal ads indicate that male-provided material comforts seem more important to women than do emotional or intellectual aspects of a relationship. But in medium- and smaller-sized cities, the biologist's reading of newspaper personal ads found the opposite: Women place more emphasis on emotional aspects or personal interests of potential mates, and less on materialism.

McGraw said: "This study emphasizes the flexibility of mating strategies, depending on the environments individuals find themselves in. The rich guys don't always win. And the nice guys don't always finish last -- although they might have to move to be found by the right mate."

The personal-ad reader, whose more traditional scientific studies -- the effects of diet, genetics and physiology on birds' plumage color, for example -- have taken him to natural habitats around the world, published his findings, "Environmental Predictors of Geographic Variation in Human Mating Preferences," in Ethology (Vol. 108), a European journal of behavioral studies.

Physical attractiveness -- the male attribute that seems to motivate women in the popular television series, "Sex and the City" -- does not vary with geographic location or city size, McGraw discovered. Women across the country, who in their personal ads stated preferences for attractive men, were the same ones who also boasted of their own physical appeal, such as "attractive, blue-eyed blonde."

New York City, the setting for "Sex and the City," was not included in the study because the city's daily newspapers publish too few lonely hearts ads to offer a representative sample. The largest city in the sample was Los Angeles; the smallest was Montgomery, Ala.

Among large cities where female ad-writers rate men who are good providers over men who are good listeners, San Francisco ranked first -- followed by Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago and Miami, in that order. However, money rated lower for women in St. Louis and Kansas City, with The Big Easy (New Orleans) and Montgomery, Ala., tying for honors as places where ads indicate that women care more about things other than income.

Comparing human mate-choice strategies to those of other animals, McGraw said women seeking resource-rich men use phrases like "financially stable" and "professional and intelligent." And those attributes "are important to animals, too, when natural resources are in short supply and the cost of living is high," he added, noting that the same species of animals in less crowded environments might have the luxury of looking for other attributes in potential mates.

However, the emotional aspects of interest to women -- such as honesty, compassion and sincerity -- are harder to judge in non-human animals, the biologist said, "although we might look for a male's attentiveness to his mate as a sign of commitment." Regarding shared personal interests, he said, "It's hard for us to put a finger on the hobbies of wild animals, but if you wanted to impress a bird, you might escort her to a foraging site or sing a song with her."

Asked to write a personal ad that would accurately portray himself, McGraw said the advertisement certainly wouldn't emphasize money -- "not on a graduate student's income!"

Besides, a mate already has found McGraw, and he doesn't have time to read newspaper ads these days. He and his wife are expecting their first child in August.