Susan Murphy, vice president for student and academic services and chair of the campus United Way Campaign, updates the campaign thermometer near the A.D. White House. Robert Barker/University Photography
The names in this article are fictitious. This family has been created using concerns, family traits, events and issues compiled from a range of families who have used the United Way-supported child services of Family and Children's Service of Ithaca.
Few things are more upsetting to a parent than reports from day care or school that their child is having "problems." Or, worse yet, that their child is "causing" problems.
Behavior difficulties in a child-care or school setting are one of the primary reasons why parents and children turn to the Family and Children's Service of Ithaca. For almost a decade, the agency has dedicated staff time, expertise and financial resources to expanding the availability and accessibility of child mental-health services in our community. One of the prime financial supporters of these efforts is the United Way of Tompkins County. A portion of the United Way allocation to Family and Children's Service is in direct support for mental-health services for very young children.
United Way support for child mental-health work also benefits young, working parents such as Frank, an administrative employee at Cornell. Frank, in his late 20s, is a good employee who has worked steadily and been promoted over the past eight years.
Frank supports a wife and three young children, and there is precious little left for small amenities, let alone weekly visits to an agency such as Family and Children's Service. Yet that is precisely the decision Frank and his wife, Darla, faced a year ago with their oldest child, Timmy.
With increasing frequency, Frank and Darla were getting alarming reports from Timmy's kindergarten teacher. And Timmy was becoming more unhappy and "difficult" at home, too. A month after school began, Timmy would cry every morning and complain of a stomachache or headache. He started bed wetting almost every night and often would have trouble falling asleep.
Nothing Frank and Darla tried seemed to work. Timmy was falling behind in school, had few friends and was alternately clingy, crying or sullen and withdrawn at home. He would not or could not tell his parents or teacher what was wrong. With two other children, ages 3 and 1, in need of their time and attention, Frank and Darla were at wit's end with Timmy.
A co-worker suggested that Frank call Family and Children's Service to see if anyone there could help. Although Frank and Darla had insurance benefits that would eventually help pay for services, their insurance covered only a portion of the agency charge.
Thanks to United Way support, however, Frank and Darla did not have to pay the entire cost for each visit. The family was able to access services because a significant portion of the cost for each visit was supported through the United Way allocation to Family and Children's Service child mental-health work.
Here's how Frank, Darla and Timmy were assisted by working with a mental health professional. Working with Timmy and his parents, a therapist assessed within the first three visits that Timmy was, indeed, terribly troubled and anxious. Through discussions with Timmy's teacher, a trip to his classroom, sessions with his parents, use of play therapy techniques with Timmy and development of a "safe" haven where Timmy could talk, the therapist was able to shed light on Timmy's difficulty.
Prior to the birth of her last child, Darla was confined to bed rest. Timmy was 4 at the time. His grandmother, who came to help out, told Timmy that he had to be "very good" and not upset his mother or she and the baby might be harmed. Unfortunately, Timmy had thrown a major tantrum just two days before Darla was rushed to the hospital for an emergency C-section. The tantrum was so severe that Darla had to get up and assist grandma with calming Timmy.
When his mother was rushed away by ambulance, Timmy was convinced he had "hurt" his mother, causing her to require emergency care. The night his baby sister was born, Timmy was sure his mother was dying. After the baby was born, Darla and Frank sometimes teased Timmy that his baby sister decided to be born because she wanted to see what all the "fussing" was about.
Timmy began school not long after this event, only to encounter several older boys on the bus who would often take his lunch or snack and threaten to hurt him or his little sisters if he told anyone. Timmy was caught in a dilemma. He was terribly scared and upset to the point of not being able to concentrate in school. And he couldn't ask for help, because he was already certain he had the power to harm his mother if he was too fussy.
It took approximately 20 visits with the counselor, but Timmy finally was able to tell his secrets. Timmy's parents learned some different ways of communicating with their son to encourage more independent behavior and good humor without inadvertently making him more scared and anxious.
Once Timmy felt reassured that his mother's pregnancy condition, not his behavior, had been the cause of the ambulance ride to the hospital, he was able to concentrate on learning some simple techniques for dealing with bullies and school work. Timmy's teacher also was alerted to ways she could help him with relaxation and refocusing in school if his anxiety started to take control of his behavior and make him whiny and withdrawn. As Timmy became more confident and less anxious, his peer relationships improved, too.
It's impossible to predict how this family would have fared without the services offered by Family and Children's Service. But it seems clear that Timmy's first year in school probably would have continued to be unsettling and stressful, possibly setting the stage for later school difficulties. This situation had a positive ending. Although not all children and families are able to benefit from services, one thing is certain: Without United Way contributions, a child mental-health professional would not have been affordable or available for this family or countless other wage-earning parents.
In addition to Family and Children's Service of Ithaca's historic role of assistance to children and families, the agency offers comprehensive services to adolescents and adults in mental-health, home-care, youth-services and employee-assistance programs.
Offices are located at 204 N. Cayuga St. and 521 W. Seneca St. in Ithaca. Through the support of Cornell's Employee Assistance Program, a member of the F&CS staff is at 130 Day Hall, Monday through Friday.
For information, call 273-7494 or (800) 834-1239 or e-mail JSmith@fcsith.org.
Linda Starr is coordinator of Cornell's Employee Assistance Program.
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